#i'm not what they wanted me to be i strive to create beauty in this world — santiago's story

[morphestic]

I miss marching in front hundreds of people, you may be tired and your arms are killing you and your heart is beating out of it's chest from the adrenaline rush but it's okay because at the end, that whole audience is cheering and roaring for you and it's worth it. I miss sitting in front of an audience and performing during concert season, being a nervous wreck as your solo comes up but letting your fingers and mind do their thing and trusting that your efforts will show. I miss music.

[jinxvex]

PLEASSSSEEEE SOME MEL APPRECIATION!! I WANT SOME SMUTTY SWEATY SMUT WITH AFTERCARE PLSOSL

♱ insatiable. ♱

I LOVE THIS REQ!! TY!! + i am still alive, i promise! i've been lazy w/ writing but i'm getting back on the grind!!

(ALSO! i'm not ignoring your asks (i swear!!))

syp. messy tribbing with mel....

cw: nsfw content!!, tribbing/scissoring, dirty talk, sub-ish!mel, dom-ish!reader, praising/sweet sex, lil bit of teasing, lil bit nasty, vulgar language, AFTERCARE!!! she’s needy for u!

mel medarda is insatiable when it comes to you—completely, utterly, and truly insatiable.

mel is usually one to be perfectly put together. you marvel at how perfect she is; not a hair out of place, no stains on her designer clothing, and not a single piece of gold jewelry twisted or mismatched in any way. she takes pride in her appearance and how people view her as a spectacle; someone to admire and strive to be.

oh! what the people would think if they saw her now…

mel is perched comfortably above you, having found the perfect position to pin you down and grind her sloppy wet pussy against yours. her hands grip your shoulders while yours dig into her hips so she can't run. she’s propped one of your legs up on her shoulder to get as close as possible, mouth open wide in the shape of an O. she’s dripping wet, cunt sensitive, and stretched out from the various ways in which you fingered her, fucked her with the strap, and then some.

she still can’t get enough.

“god! f-fuck, you feel incredible. s-so good,” she’s repeating herself over and over, brain blurry and filled with only images of you and the way you make her fully feel. the way your pussy, which is almost as wet as hers, feels against her has her mind reeling.

your shared wetness is leaking down onto the bed, creating a large, cold wet spot below you. you're groaning at how her pussy kisses yours, a short string of cum gathering between you two each time you meet. her pace is slow, and calculated. like everything she does.

you laugh, enthralled at her desire, “yeah, baby? you fuckin’ like grinding your needy little cunt on me? after all the times you came? you’re all stretched out ‘n you’re still begging for more, ‘s cute.”

the tone in which she responds is nothing short of pleading.

“hmph. mhm! fuck yes, babe. i need you. need you to let me come all over you. wanna make a mess f’you."

“p-please…”

her need—her longing ignites a new sense of urgency in you. you need to make her gush, make her pussy cream over yours, and create something so fucking messy but still beautiful nevertheless.

you want to paint her in you.

you quicken your hips that hastily move upwards to meet hers and find your head lifting off of the bed to stare deeper into her eyes. your grip on her hips grows slightly painful. mel lets out an abrupt yelp, resembling a scream, signifying her surprise.

“keep goin’, melly. wanna feel that pussy cum. you’re gonna fucking make a mess all over me, princess.”

you continue.

“make yourself cum. gimme that shit, babe. yeeeah, gimme that pretty fuckin' pussy.”

she stills, hips stuttering and eyes rolling to the back of her skull.

“f-fuhh- oh my god! m’ cumming!”

“me too, baby, fuck! can feel you throbbing.”

and with those words alone, she’s gushing against you, clutching your leg in her hands in a silent scream and mouth wide open. she rides out her high, broken moans and cries falling from her lips, breaking her pleasure-induced silence.

“that’s it, melly, f-fuuuck. give it to me."

miraculously, her pussy is drenching your lower half in her cum—mixing with yours and it’s beautiful.

white clouds her vision, droplets of sweat dripping down her brows as she collapses on top of you. she quickly wraps her arms around you and she’s breathing heavily.

she’s definitely done for the night.

as she buries her head into your shoulder, your arms cage her in and wrap around her back. you break your own silence to praise her, worship her like she deserves.

“mm, good girl. you did so good for me, gorgeous.”

“you came so hard, didn’t you, baby?”

she nods, unable to speak.

“yeah, babe. you deserve it.”

mel then looks up, eyebrows furrowed and capturing your eyes with her fucked-out gaze. her lips part.

she inches closer to your lips, “kiss, please.”

“of course, c’mere.”

when you kiss her, you do it softly by cupping her smooth face in your hands and gently guiding her lips along yours. she can still taste herself on your tongue and that makes her close in even deeper, appreciating the closeness and intimacy of truly feeling herself within you.

you break the kiss to look at her, you smile and stifle a laugh at her disheveled state although you still see her as the most beautiful, magnificent gift the world could ever offer you.

“wha-what’s so funny!” she jokingly accuses you of nothing and everything all at once.

“nothing, you just- you’re beautiful, melly. i love you.”

“and, i love you, sweetheart.”

your smile deepens, “good. now let’s go shower.”

…

lmk if y'all want more aftercare for future writings... i need to practice with it!!

[rindzaki]

Love me more

"Tell me... tell me that you love me more than them"- his voice trembled as he held your hands tightly as if afraid that you might disappear, peering into your eyes. His look was tense, full of expectation and anxiety. You felt his heart beating, his every breath echo in you.

Sylus knew that he was not the only one in your heart, and this knowledge did not give him peace.

He knew you spend more time with Rafayel. This fact burned him from the inside, because he understood that you love him for the mercy and naivety that made him so special for you. He was tormented by the realization that you find solace in Xavier's arms. Thoughts about how Xavier embraces you, how you seek comfort in his hands, did not give him peace. But most of all he was tormented by the knowledge that you love Zayne.

He knew that Zayne had a special place in your heart. You loved Zayne not just for his qualities, you trusted him.

They give you their love through gifts, walks under the moon, romantic dinners and confessions. Their feelings were sincere and strong, and you appreciate every moment spent with them. They created for you a world full of beauty and happiness, a world in which you felt loved and desired.

But he believed that his love surpassed all this. He didn't need loud gestures and magnificent expressions of feelings. His love was quiet but deep, it permeated every cell of his creature. He was ready to endure pain and suffering for you, he was ready to sacrifice his happiness for your well-being. He wants to know that you see his efforts, that you notice his presence. He will become anyone for you.

Do you like a submissive partner? He's ready to be like that for you. He will kneel in front of you with a collar around his neck. He will beg you if you order him to do it. His hands will reach out to you, but he won't touch you if you don't allow it.

"Tell me, - his voice was quiet, but persistent, - that I'm more for you than they are. That you feel for me what you don't feel for them. That I'm really important to you. That I belong to you… Please."

He’s waiting, his eyes did not break away from yours, hope and fear were read in them. Sylus wants to hear that every time he touches you, you feel the same as him - deep affection and desire to be close no matter what. He wants your heart to burn with the same passion, that your soul would strive for him as much as his soul wants you. He wants you to know that he would always be there to support you, hug you and say that everything would be fine. He wants you to feel this devotion, so that you would know that nothing is more important to him and dearer than you.

You've seen him struggling with his doubts, trying to find answers in your eyes. His soul was naked in front of you, and he was waiting for your words that could dispel his fears.

[rainbowsky]

Hi RBS! I felt very moved and inspired by their individual stories and their love. So much that it’s given me more motivation in my own life, hoping to develop some of the amazing qualities I see in them. To be able to put in the dedication and work to be the best you can be, to fight for your passions and your person, and to pick yourself up after failure when you need to without letting it break you – that’s very much a person I’d like to be.

So I wanted to ask: Have they/their relationship inspired you in your on life?

Hi blah-bla-blah!

Far be it from me to answer a fun, simple question with a fun, simple answer! 😅

Thanks for the question, I hope you're well! You're right, those are good qualities to have, and I'm glad you've been inspired to become a better version of yourself.

I think this is an interesting question for every turtle to ponder. Not only is it fun/valuable to reflect on how GG and DD have inspired us, but I think it's equally important to have some self-reflection around what we get out of fandom and out of following them.

It's easy to get caught up in fandom and in beautiful pictures and exciting stories and lose sight of where we are in all of this.

I want to be a better person and live a better life, and I equally want to make sure I'm not doing anything harmful or losing sight of what's important both as an individual and as a fan.

So here's the honest truth on that.

The good

On a personal level, GG and DD have had a huge impact on my life and on my perspective. Most of that impact has been due to who they are, where they're from and what they create rather than anything to do with their relationship or 'their love'.

Yes, like most turtles I find GG and DD's devotion to each other and their incredible alignment and rapport with each other very unique, sweet and even entertaining - especially their bickering in multiple languages and through cryptic references - but that's not by any means the biggest impact they've had on me.

Probably because I define 'impacts' as 'factors that have changed something fundamentally about me or my life'.

Here are some of the most positive impacts:

Expanding my horizons

Since becoming a fan of GG and DD I've noticed that my world and my mind have expanded dramatically on multiple fronts. I have been inspired to dig deeply into Chinese social and political topics, history, culture, queer issues, human rights, etc. and I've become a bit of a scholar on all of that (and by 'scholar' I mean 'someone who strives to learn as much as possible' not 'someone who knows a lot').

And I have learned a lot about China and many topics as they pertain to China, but by extension I've also learned a lot more about that entire region of the world - the political, social and historical realities, the cities and geography, the languages and cultures, the landscape of queer rights, queer acceptance and queer culture, etc. And as someone who was already interested in Asian countries and cultures, it's been humbling to realize how little I actually knew/know.

It has enriched my life immeasurably to have these topics become a deep interest of mine.

Fan fiction

Another really great thing that's come out of my interest in GG and DD is that I've developed an appreciation for and an interest in fan fiction - which has in turn enriched my life in so many ways:

It's given me a new perspective on remixing culture and a newfound respect and admiration for one of the most maligned and marginalized art forms on the planet. I strongly feel most of the hate fanfic gets comes directly out of misogyny as channelled through the more socially acceptable vectors of queerphobia/kinkphobia. I can't help but compare remix culture in male-dominated musical spaces with remix culture in female-dominated fandom and literary spaces, and look critically at how differently they are treated in our society. How differently they are valued, perceived and discussed.

It has given me an entirely new insight into writing and into how to improve writing. Almost all the published material that exists in the world is heavily edited and highly polished, so that we're rarely put in a position to be exposed to a lot of amateur writing. Reading so much amateur - often somewhat raw - writing has enabled me to get a much fuller picture of the structures of storytelling and of what works and doesn't work for me, which has had a positive impact on my writing and on my attitude toward storytelling.

Reading a broad range of stories has really opened my mind about a lot of things I used to have a bit of a closed-minded attitude about. ABO, for example, used to creep me out. Now I find the ways this genre examines and subverts social structures extremely interesting and compelling (although there are still limits to my appreciation of the genre).

I've also learned more about myself and my kinks through reading fan fiction. I have had the occasional moment of self-discovery from reading stories that feature so many different relationships and dynamics, and that go to so many unique lengths to explore and subvert social and sexual norms. This is part of why I feel so strongly that the exploration people do via reading and writing fanfic is deeply important, even if authors and readers don't always set out to have a 'meaningful journey' when they write/read a particular story. And once an interest has been sparked, there are dozens, hundreds - in some cases even thousands - of stories to be found that explore or examine that angle/topic.

One good example of this is just the idea of romantic/sweet stories in general. I have never been particularly interested in such things. I consider myself to be pretty unromantic. I'm not even much of a romcom guy. My partner likes romcoms, and I generally just 'tolerate' them when he puts one on. If someone told me prior to getting into this fandom that one day I'd spend a lot of time reading romance stories I would have thought they were trolling me, but here I am voraciously reading about how a cafe barista meets a graphic designer and falls in love, or getting excited about the new ER doctor/single dad music teacher story or whatever. 😅

It has also given me an entire community of interesting people to connect with (and a whole new language/way of connecting) that I previously had no idea existed.

The vast majority of the fan fiction I read is WangXian fan fic, but I never in a million years would have started reading fan fic at all if it weren't for GG and DD and my interest in them.

Putting myself out there

I've talked a bit about this in the past, but blogging has been somewhat rehabilitative for me. I tend to keep to myself a lot and I don't generally put myself out there in a public way. IRL I'm quite private and even withdrawn. My interest in GG and DD has given me a venue for being more socially open without making me feel too socially unsafe.

As a result I've made a lot of new friends and I've been able to share my ideas in ways I've never been able to before. Especially on topics like this. I just can't imagine myself ever talking openly about some of the topics I talk about on my blog - particularly some of the topics that are stigmatized or considered to be 'feminine' topics - prior to getting into this fandom.

And because I've been discussing and sharing these topics for so many years, I've become much more comfortable with and open to discussing them IRL. Some of them, anyway. It's progress.

I've also discovered that there are ways to feel socially comfortable, confident and safe in the world. This is huge for me. As an autistic/ADHD queer person I have often felt uncomfortable in social situations, worried about whether I will be misunderstood or put my foot in my mouth. Here I've found people who have a lot of the same issues, and I've mostly been accepted for who I am (although of course I've also had a lot of hate thrown at me).

I've always had 'special interests', but I've rarely ever been able to fully explore them and share them with others. Tumblr has given me a platform/venue to do that, and it's made a huge difference to my life and to my self-acceptance around being different and around having deep interests that others find strange.

Overall, having this blog and sharing these interests has been a massive positive force in my life.

Self-acceptance

Another thing that GG and DD have given me is a better perspective on my own limitations and self-expectations. While a lot of fans say GG and DD inspire them to strive for more, achieve more, etc. - and they do for me as well to some degree - the bigger impact is that they remind me that not everyone is going to be a superstar, and that's OK.

GG and DD have both had support, opportunity and options that I simply didn't have and never will have. I talked about this in a bit more detail in an ask response back in 2020.

Given where I came from and the background I had my achievements are practically miraculous, but they're also very modest. When I look at GG and DD I remind myself of that, and I am able to be more forgiving and accepting toward myself for my perceived shortcomings and limitations.

There are other self-acceptance aspects to this as well. For example, I have always had an attachment to plushies. It's something that I just can't explain and have always been very ashamed and embarrassed about. I always have a favored plushie and I can't get to sleep without one, ever since I was a very small child.

Seeing GG in his airport photos many years ago, he would always be carrying a plushie. He also often had plushies around him in the video diaries that he would post. That meant a lot to me, and helped me heal some of the embarrassment and shame I have had throughout my life.

There are other things like this, often little things that have made me feel like it's okay to do this or it's okay to be that way. Some bigger things as well.

How about DD and his blunt honesty? This is something that I have been maligned for throughout my life. When I was a little little kid, my mother used to warn people who came to the house, "Be careful, he says what he thinks!"

Throughout my life, especially considering that I have been different from other people in ways that I can't always hide or fly under the radar about, there has frequently been a pitchfork-wielding sort of mob attitude toward how I express myself. I have often been misunderstood, singled out and demonized for simply being an honest person.

I see that this happens a lot to DD as well. People, especially people who are negatively predisposed to him for one reason or another, frequently interpret him as rude, or disrespectful, or savage. It's heartbreaking, because he's such a deeply respectful, kind-hearted person.

I cannot possibly overstate how much I treasure this about him, his personality and the way he expresses himself. I have felt like a horrible person for so long, and watching him makes me see myself through another lens and realize that I'm not that horrible person I've been taught to think of myself as.

So yeah, there are some personal ways that watching them has led to self-acceptance that I never thought I would find.

Other artists

Being a fan of GG and DD has exposed me to a lot of artists actors, musicians, etc that I would never have otherwise learned about. Some of whom are a huge inspiration to me in their own right (Seungyoun, Zhou Shen and Ayunga immediately come to mind).

This has been a huge blessing to my life. I feel so grateful for all of the new artists and creators that I have discovered through my love of GG and DD.

Turtles

Of course I cannot fail to mention all of the ways in which turtles inspire me. They are such a fun, humorous, mostly humble and sweet group of people. So much incredible creativity and so many people who are full of love and enthusiasm. All of the great works of charity that are done in GG and DD's names as well. Their ingenuity and cleverness and wit. C-turtles especially can be truly brilliant and hilarious in ways that are often totally new to me.

And turtles have brought this fascinating language of clownery, fake rumors, detective work and insightfulness that I find so enjoyable to be a part of.

The dolls. Let's not forget the dolls. I never would have thought that I would be interested in dolls at this stage in my life, but I absolutely love all of the dolls and the little outfits and the fictional GGDD offspring, Zhanbi and Bobi, all of pairings of all of their drama characters... It is all just so much fun to be a part of.

Turtles and GGDD have also helped me to get through some of the most difficult times of my entire life. Through deaths of people close to me, through a freaking pandemic, through wars and disasters and climate change and political horrors, through some pretty deep personal lows. I feel so grateful to have had GG and DD and all of my friends and fellow turtles who have helped me survive all this darkness, and who have shared a lot of the brightest moments with me.

The bad (and grey)

Like I just said, as a ND person I tend to get immersed in special interests, and while this fandom and this blog have mostly been a positive way for me to do that, there has been a downside to it. I spend a lot of time with these topics - not just GG and DD but all the topics that have sparked my interest via this fandom: Chinese/Asian politics and queer rights, fandom topics, fan fiction, etc. etc. - and this exploration inevitably happens at the expense of some of my other goals and interests.

I used to spend a lot of time on creative projects, for example, but it's been ages since I've worked on any projects, and even longer since I've finished one. There is only so much time in a day, and every hour I spend with fandom interests is an hour I don't have for something else.

It has also at times negatively impacted my relationships, and I've been actively trying to prioritize them more, which means even more sacrifices of other things.

That's why sometimes you'll see me be very active here, and other times I will be much less active. It's why I can start posts but have a hard time finishing them (my drafts folder is shocking, trust me - you'd be genuinely shocked at how many lengthy posts, reviews, years old ask responses, etc. that are nearly finished but not ready to publish).

I'm not great at finding balance with things like this, and I struggle to keep organized and focused, especially when I have outside demands being made of me that conflict with some of my other interests.

Anyone who's read my blog knows that I can be preachy at times. I'm aware of that, and I actively try not to be so tedious.

But I'm also a bit preachy in my life outside fandom, toward people who say and believe ridiculous shit about China/Chinese people. There's so much Sinophobic propaganda hammered into everyone in the West, it's appalling. I have always been intolerant of any whiff of racism or xenophobia in myself and those around me, but since becoming a fan of GG and DD I've become somewhat of an unapologetic asshole about these things.

I just get so sick of hearing anti-China commentary, I have no patience for it at all. NO, I'm not by any stretch of the imagination a China cheerleader. I'm actually pretty brutally critical of China on many levels - particularly of the CCP - and I cringe when I hear naive people parrot CCP propaganda. But it's kind of alarming how uncritically people accept what they are told about people and situations they know nothing about.

And yeah, on some levels this is a really good thing. People should be challenged on their incorrect or harmful ideas. But overall it's added some friction and conflict to my life that wasn't there before.

It's also fucked up my sleep a lot. As an insomniac and as an autistic person I need a very consistent sleep schedule - ideally one that aligns with the sleep/wake schedule of those around me - or a lot of bad things will happen for me.

Insomnia tends to have a snowball effect in my life, and if I don't get enough sleep one night it's twice as hard to get sleep the next night, and so on and so on. That in turn has a big negative impact on my ability to handle stress and overstimulation, to focus, to stay organized, etc..

Being a fan of Chinese superstars has mercilessly fucked with this on a regular basis. It's pretty hard to stick to a healthy sleep schedule when I'm following events that are happening in a distant time zone. I've become a lot better with this lately, but again - that comes at a sacrifice. When I'm getting 8 hours of sleep a night instead of 3, those hours have to come from somewhere.

The ugly

I have become a target for hate in ways that are often really hard to avoid. This is somewhat inevitable. Anyone who puts themselves out there in any way - no matter how well-intended - will find themselves the target of hate and harassment from someone somewhere.

And it just so happens that there are some features of this fandom that make it a particularly compelling target for some people. The fact that it's a fandom, the fact that it involves queer topics, the fact that it involves real people, the fact that there are rivalries, the fact that it involves discussing ideas some people might find challenging or offensive. The fact that so much of it is a matter of opinion, and I am daring to express mine.

And being targeted is difficult for me. I grew up being viciously bullied throughout my life. People used to call me names, throw stuff at me, spread hateful lies about me, even physically attack me, right from childhood into adulthood. Being different - especially where I was from - was not acceptable, and I was different in so many visible ways.

So while I've gotten much better at handling this kind of thing (and that should really be added to the 'good' list above), it isn't without its harms. Closing my anonymous inbox has massively improved things, but haters will unfortunately always be a fixture as long as I continue in this fandom.

Another impact that falls in the 'ugly' category for me is the fact that I almost never read non-fandom content anymore. I used to voraciously read literature and a wide range of non-fiction books, at a very high volume. I rarely do anymore. When I read it's usually fan fiction or else something fandom-related. I feel this has rotted my brain a bit, let's be real.

However, as I said before, fan fiction and this fandom in general has enriched my life in a lot of positive ways, so it's not all bad. But it does bother me.

It's just the way my brain is wired - it has become much harder for me to get into things that aren't directly related to my interests. I also find that fan fiction feels safe and soothing - something that I often need as a trauma survivor, autistic/ADHD person, etc.

I have to regularly evaluate where I am with all of this, and make adjustments to ensure I've got time for IRL commitments, 'regular' reading/viewing topics, etc. and that balance is not always easy.

What about love?

This is what a lot of turtles talk about when it comes to GG and DD, and I suppose it does apply to me here. They've definitely had an impact on how I view romance, and my own relationship.

I guess I could say I've become more patient and less complacent. I look at our disagreements more affectionately as bickering, and don't read too much into them or let them fester. I take more notice of our compatibilities and accomplishments.

I've always been the sort of person who needs/expects independence in a relationship. A relationship is always made up of individuals. I believe that two people who foster each other's independence and individuality are going to thrive and maintain their interest/satisfaction with each other better than those who focus unduly on the 'relationship' as some sort of third party entity.

It inspires me when I see GG and DD doing what I perceive to be the same thing. They're out there taking their own paths and doing their own things, while supporting and appreciating each other and sharing all the ways in which they're compatible. That's what a truly healthy relationship looks like IMHO.

I've always been this way myself, but watching GG and DD makes me appreciate it more than I used to. It also makes me want to protect and preserve that aspect of myself and my relationship, because I can see how important it is to a truly companionable, loving connection.

I think of DD saying, "Miss me later" and I laugh, because that's exactly how I am (yet according to GG he's 'more clingy than Jianguo' 😅). I think it's possible to go out in the world and live your life as an individual, while sharing a private internal world with someone you love. To me that's the ideal.

Some of the best for last

One of the biggest and best impacts GG and DD have had on me has come through their creative works. I can't overstate how much I love and appreciate the work they do. Especially their music, and for DD, his dance (although their acting projects have also been great to watch and follow).

It's often a source of frustration for me that the projects that have impacted me the most are the ones that I struggle to write about on my blog. With the exception of Stand Up and some other bits and pieces here and there, I don't think I've ever been able to fully articulate my feelings about the projects that have touched me the most.

I have a huge long post still in my drafts about Like the Sunshine. That is a song and dance performance that can't even re-watch or re-listen to because it hits me so hard. The song came out years ago and I still haven't finished that post.

Similarly, Hidden Blade was so inspiring to me in how DD tackled that role and really brought his character to life. I was completely blown away by that performance.

WM hit me like a freight train, and I really want and intend to write a full and thorough review of the entire album and all of the video content (and the physical album if/when it ever arrives), but I haven't been able to even make a proper start.

I also have so many feelings and thoughts about the career choices they have been making, especially DD, who I could not be prouder of. I have written a bit about some of that, but I haven't even hit the tip of the iceberg of how much it all inspires me.

All I can say is, I'm here because I get something very important out of following them and out of sharing my thoughts and feelings about them. They both mean a hell of a lot to me, and I have a lot of fun and learn a lot of new things and see a lot of new perspectives that inspire me through being a fan of theirs.

I also just really appreciate all of you who read and engage with my blog, and who interact with me - whether to challenge me or praise me, either is fine. I just really value that a lot. I feel inspired by the ideas people share with me and by the opportunity to (hopefully) contribute in some way to a positive fandom experience for others.

And I have a few very close friends here who mean the world to me. I truly treasure all of them.

I could go on and on. This is a question that sparks a lot of thoughts and feelings.

I know this has gotten very long-winded, and I will understand if 90% of you have not gotten far enough to read this sentence, but to all of you (whether you got this far or not), thanks so much.

May we all continue to enjoy everything that GG and DD have brought into our lives, and all the ways that they have brought us together. 💛.

I would love it if my readers could share some of the ways that GG and DD and turtles have inspired you. I'd love to hear some of your stories!

There is a somewhat related post about how I deal with people's reactions IRL to my interest in fandom, which you can find here.

[sunlit-mess]

you are criminally underrated. *holds out hands like a sad victorian child* any tips for a young artist? :)

im a very. tired. artist.

To aspiring artists, I'm not sure what 'tips' or advice I can give that were not already said by another. However, I'll remind you anyway.

"There's no secret to art... just begin and keep going. That's all we can do."

Always set your pace, and take your time learning. Art is something that isn't rushed, rather it grows through experience. Think of it like exp points or something, the more you gain, the more you know and skills acquired. It doesn't mean you HAVE to abide by the principles or rules either, though it's best to know them. Knowledge comes in different ways and your method is yours to explore.

As for motivation, it's something you'd find attached to, a mission and values thing per se. Find your dedication, how will you strive, how much are you willing to pursue. What keeps you going? What WILL keep you determined?

We take criticism critically: Don't get your ego attached to every work, everyone has their own perspective. What I mean to say is to understand errors and find improvement. Be HONEST with yourself and your work. Nothing is ever wrong in art, hell- even the most fucked-up ones can look so beautiful and meaningful.

In social media or sharing artworks, it's cool to show them to your friends or relevant platforms your craft would be in, just gotta learn the long process of algorithm somehow... It's a pain, but never lose confidence! Believe in yourself. Even the tiniest of work, effort is counted as special. Because it's from you!

Lastly, enjoy what you do! Have fun once in a while, and best that you find fun all the time in your crafts! You create for a cause and not just to please. Art shouldn't be a cause to break you, rather it builds you.

I hope this message is enough? ::)

I've been drawing since I was young, now as an adult- my art is meh compared to other artists out there, but I still try my best to keep my mark around.

So much has happened in my life and I'm still VERY lost, especially in a path as an 'Artist'. Though, I fell off in art, burned out, and relapsed more than I can count,

nothing or no one can kill the part of me that just wants the world to see that I can still... Create.

[creaman]

Hi there! I apologize for taking up your time, I am just so curious: When you tackle a comic, what does the process behind it look like?

Asking because I found myself scrolling through your blog once again and couldn't help but marvel at all the beautiful effects you use, at how flawlessly the structure guides the viewer's eye across each page, how the graphic weight seems to always be in just the right places…, and wonder how you learned doing this. Everything you put out looks incredibly professional and I aspire to reach your level of skill 😌❤️

Thank you Finz!! You're no bother at all, I'm an open book. This is such high praise for a guy that really doesn't have a set process, I feel like a hack. Ha. Rest assured my style is still developing. Besides the referencing of the linework and composition of official comic books, (practicing by redrawing panels for fun), explaining the process makes me feel like a serial killer but I will do my best.

(WIP Riddler panel, scrapped Scarecrow composition)

My comics usually stem from a single panel or concept — I like to focus on/emphasise particular panels of my pages, the heavy hitters, the main piece that catches your eye. I know I'm not a profoundly technically proficient artist so I prefer visually interesting elements and formatting, i.e. drawing characters outside their frames, negative space, notation, perspectives etc.

(Kung Fu Panda 4 sketch god I hate Kung Fu Panda 4)

I like to establish 'main focus' panels, the bits of the comic that really, well. make people want to chew on it. This is where the technical effort is concentrated, really, and the rest of the comic is generally build around these concepts.

('Restaurant Balthazar' focus panels)

Textures and effects are done on individual panels first, then the entire page as a whole to even out the unity. Generally, blocking in shadows, hatching for visual interest + middle tones, then textures/half-tones, then highlights.

(Script excerpt WIP)

I'm not a writer per se, but having a vague 'script' in your pages helps with pacing and direction. Comics are a versatile story-telling medium. I only really do scripts for comics longer than 2 pages. An optional but recommended strat is to send your script to a friend for a second opinion.

(Script excerpt — 'Restaurant Balthazar', annotated by @vincepti0n I don't know why he drew a face in the middle)

With the script crudely slapped together, I rough out the thumbnails and composition with the text, prioritising coherence and clean integration of previously mentioned 'main focus' panels.

Settling on a composition sucks the hardest. Drawing is fun, thinking makes brain hurty. Variety is good! Close-ups, wide shots, visual metaphors. Every panel is its own artwork.

The text bubbles are usually added in post, yes, but I'm just one guy and I don't have a writer to call me a good boy for doing things correctly. Bite me.

(Early 'Restaurant Balthazar' drafts)

In addition, keeping the text graphics in mind help create a sounder composition wherein even if the panels don't read cleanly left to right + top to bottom, the text can stagger and create the same reading order effect.

Panels and concepts are constantly tweaked, and my comic process is still highly experimental. A lot of industry standard comics aren't illustrated to their full potential due to deadlines and such — I strive for visual epiphany by treating each panel as its own artwork, and every page as a a bit of a mural.

(Old art hurts the soul)

Constantly experimenting allows you the insight of looking at your current art in comparison to your older works. In more recent works, I've been blocking in more shadows wiht lineart with thinner lines and more line weight, and learned to integrate the subject characters with less plain, abstract backgrounds.

TLDR: I have no idea

[heart-of-ep]

• Elvis: A Stranger in His Own Hometown •

I recently ordered the Memphis boxset that came out this past summer and had a minute to look through the booklet inside, and wow, I was not expecting to find myself tearing up over a passage at the end of it. So, of course, I had a moment where I spiraled over the cultural impact of Elvis, as I often do after reading stuff like this. I'm very curious to hear yall's thoughts cause I've never really thought too much about this topic, and I find it super interesting. ��

Elvis on February 3rd, 1976, getting his photo taken for his Memphis Police Reserve Captain ID.

To begin this discussion, here is the passage in question that tugged at my heart:

"At Graceland, the upstairs was Elvis's private domain. The curtains were kept closed, foil covered the windows and blocked out the sun. Access was limited, and as the coterie of friends, girlfriends, and hangers-on slowly diminished, fewer sought entry. There was no thrum of the streets, no Shake Rag or Beale, no winds of change. His bedroom door was kept closed, the air conditioning was always very cool, and he read oversized spiritual tomes, looking for a way out, looking for a way in.

His bedroom was isolated, less a room in a house and more a chamber in space. Tupelo was a million miles away, Vegas and Hollywood were further, and though Memphis was just outside the door, its inspiration available and attainable, no new air could seep in. He was an expatriate in his own hometown.

Memphis giveth, and Memphis taketh away, and the city had given Elvis more than he could ever have imagined asking for, more than he ever wanted, and then like the ocean before a tsunami wave, it had withdrawn. Or he'd withdrawn from it. The fullness was bare, the loud laughter now spare, the warmth artificial from electric blankets. Words turned to sounds but not the joyful scatting of childhood, more a mumble, a murmur, a confusion that he could neither understand nor express.

When asked what he missed about Memphis, a 25-year-old Elvis on his way home from the army said, "Everything. I mean that everything." Late in life, and too fully ensconced there to be comfortable, he might have replied with words the same.

Elvis died at Graceland, upstairs, a man alone, less than a year after the last wail from the jungle room."

Robert Gordon, Memphis, 2024

The Memphis boxset focuses on all of Elvis's recordings that took place in Memphis, TN from his start in Sun Studios back in 1954, all the way up to his final recording session that took place in the den (now famously the Jungle Room) of Graceland. The set features 111 tracks and offers up a beautiful selection of songs that showcase the progression of Elvis' artistic style over the years.

This particular passage by Robert Gordon sits at the very end of the booklet included in the boxset, endcapping the famous Junge Room sessions with an introspective look at Elvis' relationship with Memphis and how that influenced his music. But why did this passage stand out to me so much? Why did it tug so hard at my heart?

"Memphis giveth, and Memphis taketh away."

Such a simple sentence, and yet it speaks volumes for the landscape of how Elvis and Memphis are intrinsically tied together, both then and now.

While Memphis had famous musicians before and after Elvis' rise to fame, none quite reached the level of stardom that Elvis achieved, and unlike many stars of then and now, Elvis was proud of his hometown, holding a natural love and affection for the city that served as an escape from the Presley's poverty in Tupelo. Memphis wasn't just any city for the Presley family, it was a second chance. It was an opportunity for them to create something better for themselves. And for a young Elvis of thirteen years old, it offered hope. Elvis was constantly striving for something bigger, something better, for both him and his family, and Memphis offered that in spades.

Elvis was immediately enamored with Memphis, and soon after their arrival, the music of Memphis would take hold of Elvis. While in Tupelo, Elvis was already familiar with a variety of music styles, such as country and gospel, but in Memphis, there was a music for every sort of flavor, and no doubt Elvis listened avidly. Whether it be by turning on Daddy-O-Dewey, Dewey Phillips at WHBQ, or turning the dial to WDIA, an all black programming station that played many local artists such as B.B. King and Rufus Thomas. Even on Sunday nights, Elvis would be able to listen to a sermon from Reverend W. Herbet Brewster, appealing to the inherently spiritual side of Elvis' nature.

Elvis listened to it all, and in time, it helped to mold him into the artist he would become in just a few short years. Elvis was constantly inspired by everything around him, and it all came together, allowing him to develop a level of self-confidence that hadn't previously existed in the young boy. As his love for music continued to expand, his image evolved with it.

"It seemed as if he was determined to make a statement, he was intent upon setting himself apart, without ever raising his voice or changing from the polite, well-mannered boy that he knew he would always be. By his dress, his hair, his demeanor, though, he was making a ringing declaration of independence. More and more to his fellow schoolmates he was a “squirrel,” a misfit, a freak, as he would later describe himself, but not a freak to himself. Photographs show an increasing self-confidence, an increasingly studied self-image, even as he was being increasingly rejected by others."

The Rise of Elvis Presley: Last Train to Memphis (by Peter Guralnick)

There's no denying the influence that Memphis played on Elvis' life, but what did Elvis do for Memphis?

While Elvis had homes in other places, such as Beverly Hills and Palm Springs out in California, he always returned to Memphis. His home was always there. When asked in 1960 if Elvis had plans to sell Graceland, he said no. Graceland was his home, Memphis was his home. He always came back.

Not only that, but throughout the years, Elvis constantly found ways to give back to Memphis through his charitable donations. Beginning in 1961, Elvis made it a yearly tradition during the holidays to donate to 50 different local charities throughout Memphis, donating around $100,000 every year. One of his favorite charities to support was St Jude's Hospital for children, where in 1964, he gifted them a boat, which he purchased for $55,000. The boat would be auctioned off and sold soon after, raising the charity an impressive $75,000. On February 25th, 1961, Elvis Presley Day would be declared by both the Mayor of Memphis and the Govener of Tennessee and on that day, Elvis would perform two shows at the Ellis Auditorium for a Memphis Charity Show where $51,612 would be raised and distributed among twenty-six charities. On December 1st, 1967, he would donate $10,500 to the Memphis Jewish Community Center Building Fund and paid a $2,500 installment on that day.

These are just a handful of instances in which Elvis strived to give back to the community, and many of his charitable donations went unpublished. Elvis gave from the heart, and he truly only wanted what was best for Memphis, the city he called home.

Charitable donations aside, Elvis always returned to Memphis, not just to his home Graceland, but to record and make music. Elvis' music journey began the minute he walked through the doors of Sun Studios on 706 Union Ave, Memphis, TN during the summer of 1953 when Elvis was only eighteen years old. He would return one year later to record with the studio yet again, this time shocking the world with the debut of his first single: 'That's All Right Mama'. Elvis would stay with Sun Studios until November 20th, 1955, when he would officially sign with RCA Records.

Elvis wouldn't return to Memphis to record until January 13th, 1969 after hearing about American Sound Studios from his friend Marty Lacker. Elvis would take a trip down to the funky studio located on 2272 Deadrick Avenue to record several hit singles at American Sound, including 'Suspicious Minds' and 'In the Ghetto' alongside two full length albums which would proudly be titled: 'From Elvis in Memphis' and 'Back in Memphis'. These recording sessions were a much needed return to form for Elvis after several years of monotony while being stuck making picture after picture out in Hollywood. Life and soul seemed to be injected back into Elvis' music, and once again, he seemed to be inspired by the city he knew and loved.

A few more years would pass before Elvis came back to Memphis again to record, this time in an effort to give Elvis a closer to home option as he was disinterested in returning to Nashville or Los Angeles. This would come in the form of STAX Records, located on 926 E McLemore Ave, Memphis, TN. STAX was home to many famous recording artists, including Otis Redding, Isaac Hayes, Carla Thomas, and the electric duo of Sam and Dave. Elvis would first visit the studio July 20th, 1973 for his first recording session there. He would then return a few months later to cut another selection of songs beginning on December 10th, 1973. Three albums would be produced from these sessions: 'Raised on Rock', 'Good Times', and 'Promised Land'.

Fast forward two years, and Elvis' last recording session ever would take place right in the comfort of his own home at Graceland. RCA was struggling to get Elvis back into the studio, so in turn, they brought the studio to Elvis. These sessions would begin on February 2nd, 1976 in the den of Graceland with an RCA recording van parked out back. The songs recorded during this time were an obvious reflection of Elvis' emotional state at the time, his selection focusing on slower, almost bitter sweet style ballads that compliment the deep tombra of his voice. He would cut several hit singles, including 'Hurt' and 'For the Heart', and would produce two albums to be released over the next year: 'From Elvis Presley Boulevard Memphis TN' and 'Moody Blue' respectively.

Despite Elvis' label RCA Records not having a studio in Memphis, Elvis always found himself returning to his hometown to record. Something about Memphis drew him back while places like Nashville and Los Angeles failed to strike that same creative cord. It's almost poetic in a way. The first place Elvis ever recorded was in Memphis, and the last place he would ever record would also be in Memphis. His career would begin and end in the city he called home.

With Elvis and Memphis so closely tied together, one might expect the city to love and cherish the Presley name in a similar way to Elvis' birthplace of Tupelo, MS. But unfortunately, that's not the case. In Memphis, Elvis is nothing more than merchandise. A commodity, a tourist attraction, and in some cases nothing more than a joke. But why? Why has Elvis become a stranger in his own hometown? Why is it that the man who gave his all to the city he loved while he was alive, and a man who continues to give through the charities founded in his memory, so often overlooked and underappreciated by the city he adored?

Simply put, the majority of people visit Memphis because of Elvis. While Memphis has so much important history and cultural influence, many never discover that until entering the Elvis world. This was my personal experience and the experience of many other friends of mine.

To put it into perspective, over 600,000 people visit Graceland annually, generating an estimated $150 million dollars in revenue for the city of Memphis. Not only does Graceland as an enterprise profit, but small businesses, hotels, and larger chain establishments all profit from the visitors brought in because of Graceland. The Elvis Presley estate is also the most visited home in America (not counting the White House) and serves as a museum and the final resting place of Elvis and his family. In 2023, the Memphis economy increased by 6% from the previous year, growing by $6 billion dollars. It can be assumed that the release and popularity of Elvis (2022) being released played a part in that increase, bringing in even more tourists now that younger fans have become interested in the King of Rock 'n' Roll.

So, what's the point? For many, especially local Memphians, the image of Elvis Presley has usurped the man who lived and breathed the same air as them years prior. Graceland was no longer just a home, it was now an attraction. And while Graceland supports the community through the Elvis Presley Charitable Foundation (EPCF) in various different ways, there is a large cavern that sits between Elvis and the people of Memphis.

It's easy to speculate that this could also be influenced by the years of constant misinformation in regard to the influence that black music played on Elvis' style, and how despite there being more than enough evidence to prove otherwise, many still believe Elvis to be appropriating black culture and label him as racist. Misinformation can damage a reputation, and there's no doubt that this rampant spread of misinformation had an effect on Elvis' legacy in Memphis.

So, what's the conclusion?

"Memphis giveth, and Memphis taketh away."

Memphis gave Elvis more than he ever could have asked for, more than he ever could have possibly dreamed of. It gave him hope, it gave him inspiration, and it gave him a home. In turn, Elvis gave back to Memphis throughout his entire life and continues to do so today through his name and legacy that were left behind.

Elvis is a part of Memphis, just as Memphis is a part of him. The two are forever intertwined, but despite the two being so closely related, Elvis forever remains a stranger in his hometown. They drive down Elvis Presley Blvd, they pass that mansion on the hilltop where the light is always on, but they don't see a man who gave his all to the city he loved, they see tour buses and merchandise, a business now and a home no more.

The image remains, the man gone from the public eye, trapped in the upstairs room of Graceland, watching quietly as the cars pass by.

"I took a ride with my baby by my side

And the Elvis Presley Blvd. where all the faithful cried

And I saw that silent mansion and I knew that I was lost

They were selling plastic souvenirs of Elvis on the cross"

- Elvis Presley Blvd. (by Billy Joel)

I definitely let myself get carried away with this topic, but I find it extremely fascinating, and I think it's super important to understanding the cultural impact and the modern view of Elvis, not just as a whole throughout the world, but more so from his hometown where Elvis is expected to be loved and cherished.

Elvis is more than just a product to be sold, he's a man with a legacy that worth the recognition, and a life and heart worth remembering. ♡

Disclaimer: I could say a LOT more about EPE as a whole and their impact on Memphis and how they fail, in many ways, to show any real support to the community considering the sheer amount of money they make annually as a business. Unfortunately, I didn't want to make this post about EPE, cause honestly that's a whole subject of it's own, but I'd love to make a seperate post about that sometime as I do think it plays a major role in how Memphians view Elvis and how ultimately Elvis has been turned into nothing more than a piece of merchandise to be sold, rather than a human being that played a large role in American history and the culture of the 20th century.

I love Graceland and I love Elvis, but I do not love EPE as a business and have many, MANY issues with how they decide to run things. But that my friends, is a topic for another day. ⚡️

[54625]

I'm not sure if this is the end for the QSMP, but I wouldn't be surprised if it were shut down soon after this.

The eggs have been the lifeblood of the server since they were introduced, and having some of them permanently gone from the server is devastating for so many reasons, and bodes terribly for the future of this project. My optimism has run out. I will still wait for updates but I have no hope.

However, I wanted to write a piece for the community here on Tumblr. I know we're all very emotional right now, because while we have no confirmation that the QSMP will permanently close, we now have good reason to assume there might just be no other clear path out of this.

To the community:

Do not feel like you have to stop loving the server and everything it created. Do not stop creating art. Do not stop sharing why you loved the characters and the story and the world.

To completely boycott everything QSMP, you are discrediting the incredible work that the admins put into the server purely out of passion and the kindness of their hearts. Do not waste their sacrifices. Talk about the server and everything they did for it, give them recognition, let them know we love and appreciate all the time and care they poured into this project. Thank them by caring about their work that they put so much of themselves into.

To completely boycott everything QSMP, you are ignoring the beautiful friendships it created between content creators who otherwise would never have met, and the way it ignited such a fierce determination to learn about others' cultures in them. You are forgetting how much these streamers strived to tell engaging, relatable, fun stories, by themselves or with each other, and to have their fans talk about how much they liked their newest lore. You are refusing to acknowledge the effort put in by everyone on the project to tell amazing stories through the language barrier.

And to completely boycott the QSMP, you are denying yourself the fact that you loved this server; the eggs, the streamers, the stories, the cultural events, the laughter, the sadness, the friendships, the ship ships, the builds, the mods, the languages. You are part of this server for enjoying it's wonderful vitality and beauty and hilarity. As a community, we all are.

I have had my gripes with the QSMP fanbase, as anyone has gripes with the dysfunctional mad household they live in, but at the end of the day, I love it so much. This has been my first time actually being part of a fandom; interacting with people and sharing my art and my ideas, getting into silly debates and arguments, running my mouth off more than I should. I love this bizarre toxic fandom for all of it's worth; I love the fanfic writers (even if I think their characterisation is terrible), I love the fanartists (even if they give Pac those yellow scleras that always make me think of jaundice), I love the live bloggers (even if they clog up the main tag), I love the people who write analysis, the people who make animations and animatics, the people who webweave, and all the other things people in this fandom do to interact with the media we all collectively love and bond over.

We do not need to let this be the end of our community, as we can still share our admiration for the hard work put into this project, lift each other up, express praise where it is warranted.

And we can talk to each other, we can vent about how this has negatively effected us (provided we tag it appropriately 👁️👁️) and respond in kind to those seeking someone to speak to who relates.

The QSMP taught us the value of communication. While behind the scenes, it itself did not abide by it's own rules, we can. The QSMP itself is not the figurehead of communication; the content creators and the fans it sent this message to are. We can be an example of what the QSMP should have stood for.

I do not love the deeply flawed execution of the QSMP, but with my whole heart I love the idea; the ambition, the goal. It was noble. It, to some extent, worked.

It united communities.

Let it unite ours.

[cilil]

Hi, do you have any advices for budding writers on AO3 or here?

Hey! :)

I've given this some thought and compiled what I hope might be some helpful pointers, but if there's anything else or anything specific you want to hear more about, feel free to ask again. Also I'm assuming this is about the amazing craft of fanfic and not, uh, building a platform or whatever (I wouldn't be very helpful with that, I'm a nobody x)).

Share what you feel comfortable sharing.

So since you're asking about budding writers on AO3 and Tumblr, I take it you're at a point where you feel comfortable sharing your writing online, which is amazing. Nevertheless, I feel the need to once again mention (just for anyone who may be in the same or a similar situation) that it's completely alright not to be comfortable with it (yet) or not to share everything you write. I share almost everything simply because I'm annoying and it makes me feel accomplished and since I've grown pretty comfortable with it, I might as well; but not everyone feels that way and feelings also change. It's completely alright to write just for yourself or a small circle of friends.

Don't worry too much about "being good".

I will be the first to admit that I deeply relate to struggling with perfectionism when it comes to writing (and other creative pursuits). However, as someone who's been reading fic for many years, tends to be into quite niche and obscure things sometimes and is rarely spoiled by big fandoms' abundance of food, I want all writers, especially new ones, to know that you don't have to write the most amazing, perfect, publishing-ready pieces. What matters is your passion and creativity, which will show in your writing regardless of skill level. Not to mention that fic is free and in fact a tool for many to experiment.

That's not to say you can't strive to improve or be good - by all means, I find it admirable if you want to hone your craft and make progress as you continue to write. Just don't let perfectionism ruin your fun and stifle your creativity.

How to get better without trying overly hard.

Aside from just writing, writing and writing (that is the most important part though), how do you improve without making it a point to do so? Well, if it works for you to read/watch guides or you enjoy specific writing exercises, that's great, but one thing that I find gets overlooked a lot in writing spaces is simply: Reading. Just reading for fun.

I find that I often discover little things in other people's writing that I really like and then I think to myself "wow, that's really neat how they did that, maybe I could take a page out of their book" (pun intended) and make it a point to pay attention to these things when I write. Essentially, it's like creating a nice patchwork blanket which is your style, made up of your own voice and preferences as a writer and cool stuff you picked up on the road.

Let me just name some examples, which, yes, are also an excuse to shamelessly blow some writer friends of mine a well-deserved kiss of appreciation. @sauron-kraut writes incredibly polished short stories with beautiful wording and atmosphere that have a lot of little hidden things to discover and dissect, and I want to steal her ability to set the stage and hide those easter eggs. @a-world-of-whimsy-5 is an absolute legend when it comes to writing medieval and medieval-adjacent stuff, and I learned so much from her fics. @i-did-not-mean-to has a way of writing with such esprit and wit that I always end up in a good mood after, a style of narrative voice I've adored for over a decade, and I've greatly improved my humorous writing in particular thanks to her. @crackinthecup has the marvelous ability to craft extremely emotionally evocative scenes, which have encouraged me to be more courageous and experimental in my sentence melody and structure. @tragedybunny has a way of writing that reminds me of coming home to a warm and comfy place, and I will find out how she did it and how I can do it as well.

So as you can see, it can be super helpful to compare notes with your fellow writers. Never be discouraged by someone else's ability; instead learn and expand your own.

Feedback, criticism and community.

Let me just get one thing out of the way: You don't have to take criticism from everyone. Or at all. As far as I understand, the fanfic community has come to to agree that we're doing this for fun and don't give criticism unprompted/when we aren't sure it's wanted or welcome. As a general rule: Take criticism from those you would also seek advice from. Ask for feedback if you feel comfortable, and if not, that's a valid boundary to have and I will gently smack anyone who presumes to pick apart writing that was made for fun and generously shared with the community for free.

The community aspect, however, should be taken into account on other fronts. While I won't tell anyone they have to interact and believe that, in an ideal world, everyone's writing would just speak for itself, it is helpful to engage with the community. Things you can do (both on Tumblr and AO3 if also applicable/possible) include: Respond to people interacting with your works, interacting with other people's works (for example while you're doing your reading sessions and looking at other writers' styles) and just overall being present, being talkative, going with the flow.

Again, this is not a must. But I will say that pretty much all of us want positive responses and interactions on their work and that just won't work if you expect everyone to show up for you all the time and never show up for anyone else. Engagement, passion and community are our "currency" in the absence of money and reciprocity is an important element of that. A lot of friction and complaints in the fanfic community regarding lack of interaction or entitlement are rooted in misunderstandings of this fundamental principle.

But don't take this in a cynical manner. Seek out what you enjoy, share the joy and passion and you'll make friends just accidentally - which is the part that I find makes fandom on AO3 and Tumblr so much fun! (I don't even want to be a "traditional" author anymore, I want this instead😁)

Find your groove and groove along.

Lastly, make sure your writing is fun for you or else it'll become a chore and eventually get ruined for you as a hobby. This is unfortunately a continuous task as your needs and interests shift - for example you might be in the mood to do an entire drabble challenge one month and during another month you feel so drained that you couldn't do another one. Or you might want to write something different for a change. Or whatever it may be.

Either way, one recent lesson I've learned is that I got too tied up in obligations and it left no space for spontaneous inspiration, so I never got to write what I wanted to write in the moment and it pushed me quite close to burnout. Do yourself a favor and always hold that space for yourself. In practice, this could for example mean that you do one event and on the side write this cool new idea you had, instead of doing three events - which is fun and games until it starts getting too much and you don't have time for your passion projects.

Finding your groove also includes the whole technical aspect, such as which writing programs you use, which device (or none at all), where you write, how to make yourself comfortable, how to get in the right headspace for things. I would also like to encourage all of you to be a bit crazy and whimsical about this: For example I've gone to the perfume store, picked out a scent for a specific character in a specific scene and sniffed it while writing the description several times now. Do what it takes. And say goodbye to your squeaky clean search history - you will research some weird stuff just to get that one line right.

So yeah, these are just my random thoughts on fic writing and what has been helpful in order for me to have lots of fun with this hobby. Happy writing!

[shallowseeker]

i wonder if the empty deal would've made a bit more sense as like. framing castiel being stagnant as being miserable for him, while allowing himself to change and move onto the next stage of his life would be happiness. like him confessing is not necessarily the Peak of happiness but rather him allowing himself to move past where he's been stuck for the past year, and giving himself permission to be truthful and open, and the empty is punishing him for being willing to change.

You know, I actually quite like that��angels being framed as a kind of prolonged stasis.

ANNA: SICK FOR HOME

Anna hints that this is especially relevant for the soldier class of angels. In 4x10, she talks about being kept in the dark while she was stationed on earth, far away from home/Heaven:

ANNA: I was stationed on earth 2,000 years. Just... watching... silent... invisible... out on the road... sick for home... waiting on orders from an unknowable father I can't begin to understand. So don't tell me that -- 4x10

Anna struggled with being a non-participant in the beauty of her own life. That seems to be a primary reason she fell—this intense loneliness.

//

CAS: LIMITATIONS & REPETITION

And if we go back to Cas’s Ecclesiastes-like breakdown in Season 7, you can see glimmers of that theme there, too—this idea of repetition, futility, the weight of an existence that just is, without real progress or change.

(Aside// Ecclesiastes is a book in the Bible that explores the meaning/meaninglessness of life, and in one of the scripts, Cas mentions favoring it in a conversation with Jack. I've found it fitting ever since.)

In 7x21, Cas talks about the (symbolic) futility of striving for resources, for happiness:

MEG: Oh. Okay. He's at a dog track in Perth. CASTIEL: I’m surrounded by large unhappy dogs. MEG: Yeah, they're unhappy 'cause the rabbit's fake.  [...] CASTIEL: [to MEG] You know, those racing dogs were absolutely miserable. They can only think in ovals. 7x21

Cas talks about this again with respect to the horror of the repetition. It's boring being a non-participant. The wars and sex mean nothing when you love nothing.

CASTIEL: They're from the Garrison – my old Garrison. Looks like Hester's taken over. We were assigned to watch the earth. Often, it was boring. The wars were very boring and the sex – you know, the repetition. Anyway, I was, uh... I was their captain. Isn't that strange? 7x21

CAS: DISTANCING HIMSELF FROM HUMANITY

Here, Cas is retreating into a shell. He's purposely distancing himself from his own life (and mistakes). His breakdown is regression to the nihilism of non-participation.

He distances himself from humanity, from his own feelings, from Dean. He talks about humans in the abstract ("monkeys"), and he seems to retreat into accepting his place as being "a station above them," prospering from humanity's misfortune.

CASTIEL: You know, we weren't sure at first which monkeys were gonna make it. No offense, but I [DEAN moves a marker on the board] was backing the Neanderthals because their poetry was... just amazing. It's in perfect tune [CASTIEL picks up a card] with the spheres. But in the end, it was you – the [CASTIEL moves a marker] homo sapiens sapiens. You guys ate the apple, invented pants. [...] CASTIEL: We live in a "sorry" universe. It's engineered to create conflict. I mean, why should I prosper from... your misfortune? [CASTIEL puts down a marker and moves DEAN’s marker back to the start.] But these are the rules. I didn't make them. 7x21

The human-angel divide is a deep throughline from s6 through s10—and probably beyond. Cas’s struggle with free will, the angel wars, Metatron’s schemes, Gadreel’s arc, even Dean’s Mark. It’s a constant power imbalance, always circling back to what truly makes someone human—or angelic. "I need your blood... I'm not human." / "I'm not human. It won't work for me." / "I just want to be an angel (again)." / "I'm a lot like people." / "Don't make things complicated as you humans tend to do."

//

And yeah, that's a lot of words to say I agree that Cas retains this sense of angelic stoicism/asceticism, even after coming to Earth and loving and protecting his human family.

He's been trained his entire life to hold back emotions (SEE: The implications of the existence of Rit Zien, period). As late as season 10, he's (hypocritically) working to scoop up other angels and send them back to Heaven, even when they want to stay on earth! Then there's his whole... thing with guilt and penance.

Cas is so complicated!

him confessing is not necessarily the Peak of happiness but rather him allowing himself to move past where he's been stuck for the past year, and giving himself permission to be truthful and open ... and the empty is punishing him for being willing to change.

But you're right that this deal has a horrific implication because, as empowering as it is that Cas is breaking out of stasis, in pushing past his angelic asceticism, it reads as punishment.

Even the visual language reinforces punishment. The abyss opens between two handcuffs—literal restraints:

And even at the end, it reads like an empty chair, but not just any empty chair. It's a chair caught in a snare, a devil's trap! Even after the sacrifice is over, Dean’s feet are still inside the circle.

Still trapped there, too (symbolically).

I’ve said it before, but there really is something fascinating about the respective traps in 15x09 "The Trap" and 15x18 "Despair." In both, Cas disappears from the circle. In both, Dean is left desolate and alone.

First, in a Purgatory of the non-participatory non-living. Then, in a torture dungeon.

I mean… deep sigh. I think you're right that there's no way getting around the structural, visceral, visible specter of it being a cruel punishment.

It’s devastating on so many levels.

[lalathemediterraneanmermaid]

What do ikevill suitors smell like? PT.2

Hi little robins, this is pt.2 of "What do ikevil suitors smell like?". I've included the three new babies villains, the Vogel boys. Eventhough we don't know much about them, I couldn't resist including them here, because I already love those sillies. Soooo, enjoy, my dears!!! Btw, just like in pt.1, I tried to put the same amount of perfumes on each boy, except for Elbie, our greedy boy.

Elbert Greetia

A melancholic, porcelain-doll-looking nobleman. Our Ethereal Prince. My Greedy Boy. As beautiful as a work of art. He has a little maniacal obsession with collecting the most beautiful things in the world, just for himself, that's why he has so many perfumes, he can't decide which one he likes the most, so he keeps buying new fragrances. "I want. I want. I want… If only I could find it, then surely..." Love, let me hold your hand while telling you this: you are the mot beautiful thing in the world. His ocean-blue eyes and long, fluttering lashes hold such a sorrowful gaze. If it weren't because of his curse, he could perfectly be part of ikemen prince, you can't change my mind. I love Elbie, and I can't wait to play his route over and over again. He reminds me of a rain-soaked garden with a gazebo full of roses in the middle. He reminds me of a nostalgic walk along a solitary beach at dusk. He reminds me of a magical forest bathed in silver moonlight. He definitely smells clean, soft, and ethereal, with perhaps some citrusy notes blended with salty-marine hints that reflect his love for beach walks.

Notes: Bergamot, lemon, aldehydes, orange blossom, jasmine, lavender, sea salt, sandalwood, white musk and amber.

Perfumes he might like:

De Profundis - Serge Lutens

Un Jardin Apres La Mousson - Hermès

Wood Sage & Sea Salt - Jo Malone

Aqua Allegoria Teazzurra - Guerlain

L’Eau Froide - Serge Lutens

Sel Marin - James Heeley

Fou d’Absinthe - L’Artisan Parfumeur

Meomir Man - Amouage

Ninfeo Mio - Goutal

Jude Jazza

The Cunning & Ruthless Mobster. Crown's personal Maleficent. Silvio 2.0. A mean pookie who enjoys the problems and suffering of others. "All your yappin's real noisy. Lemme shut ya up.” OMG he even speaks like Silvio. Pretty sure he's kinky af, he may be into chains or something similar. "He's earned himself many enemies" Nah, really? I would've never guessed, not with that golden retriever personality of his. "He always fulfills his promises and expects the same of others, holding a special one close to his festering heart." You see? He has a heart, allegedly. Anyways, we're here to talk about scents, aren't we? I feel like he smells like tobacco and liqueur, I'm 100% sure. And, I don't know why, I can sense some kind of smell that reminds me of sylvester bushes and a really old library, full of dust. Of course, we can't forget that he has money *cough, cough, Silvio, cough*, so he also needs a really expensive scent. He probably doesn't have a favourite perfume, because he slays at layering them and creating new scents that combine with his radiant and bubbly personality.

Notes: Liqueur, cognac, tobacco, black pepper, cinnamon, bergamot, cedarwood, sandalwood, leather, amber and vetiver.

Perfumes he might like:

Man In Black - Bvlgari

Tobacco Vanille - Tom Ford

Angels' Share - By Killian

Straight to Heaven - By Killian

The Tragedy of Lord George - Penhaligon's

1740 Marquis de Sade - Histoires de Parfums

Ellis Twilight

The little sunshine oddball filled with happiness and joy. Have you seen those cute little curls in his hair? *OMG he's so fluffy I'm gonna dieeee.* He wants to reveal the happiest moments of other people’s lives (and then kill them). He really has a peculiar obsession (another impulsive maniacal wow, such a surprise hahan't.) for the "happiest moment" in others' lives and his own definition of "love" he's striving to prove (Alexa, play "Safer" by Tyla). “Tell me, how happy are you right now…?” If I tell you I'm depressed will you let me live?. Crown's youngest member and Jude's assistant (I don't even know what to think anymore, poor Ellis or poor Jude?). Anyways, as the mentally ill person that I am, I'll patiently wait for his route release. Back to the scents, he loves crispy baguettes and raspberry jam. I feel like he smells like a twisted picnic in a forest at dusk, with pink roses, fresh bread and berries. Clean, but with earthy and woody hints. Since he is such a people pleaser, he doesn't have a favourite perfume, he's just going to wear whatever you like the most, even if it's nothing, even if it's gasoline.

Notes: Mandarine, grapefruit, raspberry, rose, bread, cedarwood, vanilla, oak moss and amber.

Perfumes he might like:

By The Fireplace - Maison Margiela

Eau Rose - Diptyque

Aventus for Her - Creed

Memoirs of a Trespasser - Imaginary Authors

Pomegranate Noir - Jo Malone

Mûre et Musc - L’Artisan Parfumeur

Darius Vogel

The so called Untrustworthy Cruel Angel, or what I prefer, Chevalier and Gilbert's love child. He truly looks as beautiful and ethereal as an angel, but so did Lucifer, and he ended up ruling Hell, so... we'll have to wait to see him in action... According to Victor in his Vicpedia "Is he an angel or a devil? You’ll have to find out for yourself." “Hello cursed people and everyone else. Won’t you join me in building a wonderful world?” Vlad, is that you? The angelic head of the German empire’s direct organisation, “Vogel”. Referencing Victor on his Vicpedia, "Though he looks like an angel, there’s a strong scent of evil coming from him." So, translated to scents, what does that exactly smells like? Based on what we know, which is not much, if not nothing, I will say that his scent matches his appearance, so maybe a really light, soft, airy and beautiful opening, with white flowers and white musk, very angelic-like, with a "punch" of something much more obscure beneath the surface, maybe some spices, sweet liqueurs and dark woods. All that in a winter-like scenery, very cold, like a breath on top of a glacier.

Notes: Bergamot, jasmine, gardenia, lily of the valley, snowdrop, foxglove, cypress, sandalwood, cinnamon, black pepper, oak moss and absinthe.

Perfumes he might like:

The Language Of Glaciers - Imaginary Authors - His favourite

Nightingale - Zoologist Perfumes

Viking - Creed

Reflection Man - Amouage

La Religieuse - Serge Lutens

Poivre Noire - Serge Lutens

Nica Schwartz

Just like Jude is the villanous version of Silvio from ikeprince, I feel like Nica is Nokto's doppelganger in ikevillains. A frivolous and cunning person who plays with love. He gives me foxy vibes, but in a darker and colder way. He's referred to as "Vogel’s brain" and seems to have a knack for manipulation and has an eye for money and power. “Guten Tag, cute robin. I want you to be my toy", yep, we have yet another fox. He's a bookworm, but, apparently, is just so he can gain more and more knowledge so he can play with you all. In the official information given directly by Cybird, it says that Nica resents shows of affection, but he still plays with you like a toy. Doesn't that sounds like he's desperate for someone loving him? "He resents love because he has never been given some." Again, this are just assumptions based on what we know and the vibes that I get from him. In conclusion, beneath that foxy-like appearance, I feel like he may have a huge heart of gold that he is too afraid to share. If I had to translate that vibe into a scent, it would probably be something seductive but fresh and sweet at the same time, something more "wild" like a fox playing in a field, but with a cooler vibe, maybe between winter and spring.

Notes: Bergamot, vetiver, jasmin, fruity, leather, ambar, incense, musk, lily of the valley, wild flowers, vanilla, honey, tulip and pink pepper.

Perfumes he might like:

Fox in the Flowerbed - Imaginary Authors - His favourite

L'homme Ideal - Guerlain

Yesterday Haze - Imaginary Authors

XJ 1861 Naxos - Xerjoff

Tam Dao - Diptyque

Snowy Owl - Zoologist Perfumes

Ring Schwartz

The love of my life pt. I already lost the count. The cute Vogel's guard dog. Dariu's puppet and Licht's doppelganger.  "This younger twin suffers from blushing easily" Victor please stop, I can't take it anymore. “If you don’t want your life to be taken, don’t get in the way of us, Vogel.” Okay cute puppy, whatever you say. From what we know, Ring seems cold when you first approach him, but he will be on his knees at the minimum show of affection towards him. So, if you play with his heart, you'll not only have Nica going for you, I'll be there too. Based on the information that Cybird has given us, he seems to be shy and cold, since one of his hobbies is "being in the corner of a room", still, it's not like he is an antisocial, we can guess that because the thing that he resents the most is "eating alone". The other hobby that he has is "taking a nap while looking at the sky" this tells me that he prefers quiet places where he can feel at peace, and somehow it also gives me the vibes of a dreamer, since "looking at the sky" is kind of poetic and it can symbolise freedom, if you know what I mean. In his skills he mixes two aspects that seem quite radical, combat skills and martial arts, along with a really good relationship with animals and an understanding of plants and flowers. When I say radical, in this case, I mean it's that one thing is "agressive" and "tough" while the other is so much more "soft" and "light energy". That aspect of dichotomy or duality is the most important characteristic of Ring, and it needs to be reflected on his scent.

Notes: Grapefruit, black pepper, ginger, lavender, vanilla, lily of the valley, snowdrop, leather, sandalwood, amber and forget-me-not.

Perfumes he might like:

The Noir 29 - Le Labo

Jubilation XXV - Amouage

Pardon - Nasomatto

Russian Leather - Memo Paris

Hyrax - Zoologist Perfumes

Burning Ben - Strangers Parfumerie - His favourite

And here it ends the "What do ___ suitors smell like?" Ikemen Villains edition. I hope you have enjoyed reading this as mucha as I have enjoyed writing it. You've probably noticed that the ikevil version of these series is pretty much less humorous than the ikeprince version. I think it is mainly because, eventhough both games characters are so well written and have a lot of traumas and issues, I still think that Ikemen Villains is the darkest one, and so, the one with less humorous content. And also, I tried to understand each character, that's why the character's descriptions are so long, sorry for that hehe. Anyways, thanks for your attention and love!!! Love you all my little robins!!!

Btw, I will probably continue doing this with ikevamp and maybe, maybe, ikesen, but it will take some time, there are a lot of characters in those game series.

[literaryxbones]

Dressing Up Goth Rant

This is a rant post; I have no intention of starting drama. This is not a callout post, nor am I talking about any other goth content creators on here. The topic I'm going to be discussing isn't just related to tumblr's alt community, though the object isn't just confined to one platform. It's a recent trend I've noticed on the internet as a whole.

TW: Eating Disorders (ED), Body Dysmorphia, Talk of Beauty Standards

Within the past few years, I've seen a surge in goth content being created. This is a wonderful thing! We have so many talented, helpful, and audacious people in our community.

For many of us, fashion is ingrained in our identity and self-expression. By upcycling, purchasing ethically produced garments, and dressing against the grain (trendsetting eurocentric beauty standards) we communicate our values and who we are to the world.

Not to mention, goth clothes and style is pretty frickin' cool! There's many different ways a person can wear gothic fashion.

So, where's the issue?...

In a lot of the goth media I've seen recently, creators are fully dressed up. They don white foundation, false eyelashes, maybe contacts, black or red lipstick, teased/product-styled hair, necklaces, multiple layers, and some striking shoes.

To be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with dressing in this manner. I also appreciate the skills required to pull off beautiful looks like this.

The important distinction to make is the reason why people dress that way. It could be self-expression, displaying one's values, dressing up for an event/club, or for fun! On the other hand, a couple people I follow (I'm keeping their names anonymous, they're not doing anything wrong and I don't think this should be controversial.) have admitted that they dress up and do makeup just to film a video or post a picture online.

I speak from experience when I say that I have felt pressured to dress up for the irl alt content I used to make. It's not that I didn't embody or resonate with these icons. I very much did, but there were times I only wanted to dress like this for pictures. When I wasn't going out, I dressed up in my room, posted, and then took my outfit and makeup off, for I wasn't going anywhere.

Let me tell you, you don't have to commit to the full-body, trad goth aesthetic if you don't truly feel like it. Exploring fashion, especially in alternative spaces, should be fun and something you genuinely strive for. Counterculture styles are not intended to be for looking good, fitting in, or proving your belonging in a subculture, for that's not what defines association.

It's okay to not look perfect or entirely goth. In fact, you don't have to appear gothic to find acceptance in this community. A lot of us don't dress in such advanced outfits everyday. We have to eat, sleep, and work too. When there's nothing going on, people often resort to a simple band tee or comfortable clothes. Gothiness does not have to be outwardly expressed at all. This doesn't make us any less or more goth.

It's also not uncommon here for people to struggle with depression, executive functioning, body dysmorphia, and eating disorders, which impacts a person's motivation to go all out. With or without these conditions, showing one's face, body, or fashion may cause discomfort.

Showing understanding, compassion, and acceptance towards your fellow community members remains paramount. Know, acknowledge, and recognize perfectionism's influence. Take a break from the internet and reach out to local goth scenes (if applicable). Realize that not everybody can fit conventional expectations. Support each other, please.

-Original Content Written by SORDID

-Inspired by a post from Zoe @hauntedveil

{Link: my opinion (that no one asked for) on this newer style of relatively extreme trad goth makeup popularized over the last 2... – @hauntedveil on Tumblr}

[agua-cat]

RELIC HOLDERS - APHMAU

Please note this is a rewritten version of Minecraft Diaries, what is here is not completely canon to the universe and I have taken various creative liberties to create what I think is a satisfactory story. Some of these choices for the relic holders are NOT forever, as some relics get passed onto other people. This list, however, is pretty definitive.

I asked my friends if I should write starting from Aphmau or Laurence. They all chose Aphmau and I probably have the least amount of lore for her so let's see what we can crack out.

Let us Begin

There are many words to describe the lady of Phoenix Drop, though I thing a perfect one is ''Enigma''. From the very beginning, Aphmau was never normal. She was self-aware of the world she resided in to a unique degree, she could make different choices and unravel a story with her at its core.

Who she was had never truly been queried. She knew her name was Aphmau and she knew she had a village to look after. Shortly after the confrontation in the Irene Dimension with Zane, Aphmau found herself back in her old house. Her sons grown and her flame of motivation threatening to flicker out.

It was lucky then that day, Hyria came to visit. Lucinda's mother had gotten worried since some news about Laurence had broken out, and for some reason her daughter always seemed enamoured with him. During her visit, however, guilt burdened her every time she set her eyes on Aphmau's house. She had to tell Aphmau.

So, Aphmau knows that she is Irene. To what extent she believes it, she's not sure. Goddesses are supposed to be all powerful, all knowing. Even when Hyria comforts her that she was supposed to forget- the answer seems too easy. Too convenient. Aphmau wants to strive for answers beyond the blanket layer of information she was given.

Beginning the start of Season 2 for our rewrite is when markings begin to decorate Aphmau's skin. Beautiful glowing marks that define her easily; this woman is not human. She is not even mortal. Despite this, her closest friends are not put off by her change of appearance and keep her close.

Garroth brings her with him when the threat of Zane becomes evermore present once more. Zane, who now has gotten Laurence on his side. Laurence; with Shad's relic.

Every time Aphmau thinks of Shad- or Laurence- her heart pulses. She swears she can feel an echoing voice in her head. Something which tries to guide her, something with a lot more bloodlust than she could ever dream to have. Something Divine.

Travis offers her to recreate the Divine Warriors- to right the wrongs the 6 legends had before them in communication and to make something bigger and better than the burden that had been set upon their shoulders. Since she agreed, her divinity stopped hiding itself so much.

Piercing white pupils glow within her Irises. Perhaps one day they will be a pure white like the Matrons.

Becoming Irene is something that scares Aphmau. She doesn't want to be someone she seemed so keen to run away from the past. Aphmau wants to try again- this time, correctly.

~~~

HEYY SO. I HOPE THIS WAS GOOD. I'll probably post some more stuff about Aphmau as I go- I know right now as it goes this is all very ominous and a lot of information though!

I'm really sorry if the timeline doesn't 100% add up! A lot of my information is from nostalgia, memory and wiki's. I wish I had the time to rewatch MCD ;;

Consider this rewrite as of current from past the Irene Dimension fight. There will be information and rewrites from before that period that I'm working for but you know me! I like to start in the ocean and work my way back to the creek.

Thank you for reading. Your reblogs have made my day and give me so much more confidence in sharing something I've been passionate and yet nervous about. <3 Let me know if you need any clarification.

P.S. Whilst I am happy to take criticism or discuss this in further detail, that may be best for DMs! My DMs are ALWAYS open, and I promise I'm friendly :)

[salchat]

So, here's another Dean. This one's in neocolor crayon, which are very soft crayons - you can use water with them, but I haven't here, because the paper's newsprint and it would fall to pieces very quickly if I used water.

While I was drawing, I was pondering various arty matters. Mainly, how some art/craft posts - mostly on Facebook rather than here - irritate the hell out of me. You know the ones. Where there's some amazing piece of art/craft, but the caption is something like, 'please be kind - it's my first time!' When it's blatantly not their first time, unless art and craft is just plain easy, which it isn't. Anyway, I'm not sure why people make those posts - for others to comment how amazing they are? I suppose. But it must be pretty hollow to receive such compliments. Unless it really is their first time. And even then...

So, anyway, it made me think, why do I post my art? What exactly do I get out of it? Do I do it to receive validation in the form of compliments? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but I just wanted to be really honest with myself. And also, why do I make art in the first place and why this particular type of art, drawing the same characters over and over?

Well, I think I draw for the same, or similar reasons that I write - because it's my own world, that I can control. There's comfort there, isn't there? And comfort in the characters I draw and write about - they're not called comfort characters for nothing, after all. And they're beautiful, aren't they? They're just damn beautiful. Why wouldn't I want to draw them?

So, I guess I want to pour my love into creating something beautiful, or as near beauty as I can get. And I choose to do that with my crayons or my charcoal or my pastels because I love those things too - their colours, the way they spread, the way you can make big, soft marks or sharp, dark marks, the way you can smush them around with your fingers, the way you can just mess about and sometimes it doesn't work and sometimes you get an amazing effect that you didn't know was possible. I love drawing randomly, roughly, searching and searching until I find what I want.

But why post online? Hmm... Well, yes, it is nice when people think what I've created is technically skilful. I have an ego that likes to be stroked, same as anyone else. But if that was the only reason, I'd probably cheat. Some people do. And if that makes them happy, who am I to criticize?

Anyway, I think what I'm after is connection, which is in no way an original thought. That's what makes fandom so wonderful, isn't it? The way you can find connections with other people all over the world. I think when I post, I'm looking for people who love the same kinds of things that I do - the same characters, obviously, but also the same kind of approach to art. The colours and the roughness, the playfulness and the 'continuing mission' to find beauty. I think I post in the hopes that someone will see my art and think, 'hey, I like that.' And that they'll feel a little spark of joy.

I think that's what all our fan creations are about. You get the firework of joy and excitement that goes off when you create your story or your picture and then, around the fandom world, other people get a spark struck from your joy. Which is pretty flowery stuff, but, hey - I'm a writer, aren't I?

That's enough rambling. Nearly. Because I also want to do the thing I often do, which is totally anti the 'it's my first time!' kind of posts. This is very far from my first time and I want you to see the crappiness of my progress shots, because it's important to know that there's almost always a lot of crappy stages before you reach something you consider beautiful. Not perfect. I'm not after perfection, which is impossible anyway, and I would never say any of my stuff is perfect because it's far from perfect and I don't want that - I want life and humanity and striving toward something.

I'm gonna shut up now, because there are burgers to be cooked and chocolate cake to be eaten, and hey! Doctor Who's on soon! Bye!

[castlebyersafterdark]

Hello babes ❤️😊 I often journal about my day to day, and do a lot of write-ups about major events, things weighing on my mind, or retrospectives. The turning of the New Year is as good an event as any to write and reflect, so I'm posting a CastleByersAfterDark themed journal online to my dear blog to start off 2025. Thoughts, thanks, and resolutions/goals:

FANDOM

The last year has been such a game changer. I wasn't having very much fun online anymore which was bothersome for me, since fandom and nerding out over stuff I'm into has been one of main hobbies since I was really young. I still was massively invested in Stranger Things but felt stagnant and burnt out as all I was doing was scrolling and reading and was kinda bored. Found a few blogs on the "spicy" side and the gossip side and lurked with intrigue and envy. Tired of watching and never interacting, I created The Castle and joined all the fine folks I admired. My maelstrom of an imagination finally had a place to process and settle again.

This blog took on a life of its own - where I thought I would use it to simply track ideas for wips and maybe converse with other writers, I never anticipated this interactive space where we can all hang out and chat and share secrets and be totally open at our pseudo, perpetual sleepover online with friends both named and anonymous, from all over the globe. The content might get strange or emotional or filthy or silly here, but I never feel alone in letting my nerdom or freak flag fly and I hope many of you feel the love I certainly feel here and enjoy joining in and doing the same. Fandom feels a lot different than it did when I was thirteen years old, but this corner of the fandom has captured that old school magic. Creativity and freedom and connection.

In 2025, I look forward to this wonderful show we love airing and getting to experience the final season after immense anticipation. I eagerly await watching our beloved Will and Mike play out their beautiful storyline on screen. I am excited for all of the mysteries to unravel and finally be understood and to discover which theories were correct and what none of us could have predicted. I'm anticipatory about seeing a slow burn romance play out and pay off between two boys in an unexpected era and to feel joy and catharsis from a storyline I did not expect in a mainstream show. I look forward to the fun and peace to follow once the truth is finally known without a shred of doubt. I don't plan on going anywhere. Going to be a long year. And nebulous time after. Looking forward to continuing to theorize and draft ideas and hear visions and gab about the actors and Byler. I have so many stories to post. Incredibly happy to be here hanging out with yall. ❤️🫂🫶

REALITY

Something... major... happened to me this past year. Hmm. Wonder what that was? Oh, right. That man of mine decided I'm ok enough and put a ring on it. Hahaha I kid, you all know by now that we are madly in love 😉 2025 I will be married! Gosh. It's been months. Still cannot believe.

We're getting married in the summer and I'm also leaving the country for the first time for our honeymoon. Excited, nervous, filled with joyous anticipation. I always wanted to be someone's boyfriend - check. Found my absolute perfect person and we've helped each other become better people and be the best versions of ourselves. Soon, I will be and have a husband which is the most surreal thing, to have each found our The One, our soulmate. Mentally, I'm telling teenage me "you'll never believe what happens - everything you dream about comes true. Hold on for me, bud." 💙💙

RESOLUTIONS/GOALS

Write more. FINISH writing projects. Stay creative. Practice practice practice art. Continue to strive to be kind. And be kinder to myself. Be more present in real life and ensure time spent on hobbies is time spent worthwhile. Have fun and stay out of discourse. Never stop learning and enjoying the pursuit of knowledge.

Follow the colors as mantra. 🏳️‍🌈 Sex 💗 life ❤️ healing 🧡 sunlight 💛 nature 💚magic and art 💙 serenity 💜 spirit 💖 PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL FOR 2025 😘😘😘

[yuzurujenn]

[2024.10.15] BRUTUS November 1, 2024 issue No. 1018 - Beautiful Architecture and Windows

OPEN MY WINDOW Open your own window. Hanyu Yuzuru special photoshoot.

Yuzuru Hanyu Hanyu Yuzuru / Born in Miyagi Prefecture in 1994. He won two consecutive gold medals in men's singles figure skating at the Sochi 2014 and Pyeongchang 2018 Olympics. He has also won numerous World Championships and Grand Prix Finals. In 2018, he received the People’s Honor Award. After turning professional in July 2022, he became a producer and held three solo shows, including "GIFT" and "RE_PRAY." He also has a picture book titled "GIFT" (text: Yuzuru Hanyu, illustrations: CLAMP).

What do you see from your window, Hanyu-san?

One summer day in a house studio, Yuzuru Hanyu was sitting by the window. He gazed at the garden, which glistens in the quiet sunlight shining through the trees. Behind the sound of the shutter, Erik Satie’s "Gymnopédie No. 1," which he had selected from his iPhone playlist, was playing on the portable speaker.

"During shoots, I always choose a song that suits the situation and the intention for each shot. Since turning professional, I've had more opportunities to be photographed not just as an athlete, but as a person and an artist, and each time I am reminded of how many people put in a lot of time and effort to create a single photograph. When I heard that today’s theme from BRUTUS was 'windows,' I approached the shoot as if I were trying to fit myself into a crafted story."

At the beginning of the score for "Gymnopédie No. 1," the performance instructions read, "Slowly, with sorrow." The gentle yet melancholic melody resonates with the struggles a skater must have faced both physically and mentally, before and after achieving glory. Hanyu-san, what do you see from your window?

"When I used to live in Toronto, my house was on a high floor of a building, so I could see the whole city. It was raining in the areas covered by clouds, but I often saw rainbows in the gaps between the clouds where it wasn’t raining at all. That scene left a strong impression on me. I also can’t forget the view I saw from the airplane window during overseas trips. Whether it was on my way to Europe or coming back, I can’t recall clearly, but the plane was flying above the clouds, and only the moon shone brightly amidst the surrounding darkness. The brightness of the moon made it impossible to see the stars, and that scene was so beautiful that I rested my forehead against the window and gazed at it for a long time."

A town in the rain and with a rainbow. Darkness and moonlight. Even these scenes seem to suggest the journey he has taken so far. During the photo shoot, Hanyu was photographed from both inside and outside the window, but which side does he prefer?

"Personality-wise, I guess I'm the type who likes to keep to myself. I'm an introspective person, and I've often thought deeply about myself and people since I was little, so in that sense I might be the type of person who prefers to close the window and focus on being alone. However, I believe that even the most sociable and cheerful people need personal space and sometimes want to close all the windows. But those windows must have handles on them, so that when the time comes, someone else can open it for them, or they can open it themselves… That's what I was hoping to express in that window-shoot I did earlier."

He announced his transition to a professional career in July 2022. It was a declaration of his unwavering commitment to move forward. Although he stepped away from the competitive world where he compared himself to others, his battle with himself continues as he strives for even greater heights. He has already achieved three solo shows, a first in the figure skating world, all of which were a huge success. If we were to compare Hanyu to a house, would it be that he didn’t move to a new house when he turned professional; rather, the house itself remains the same, but the direction the window opens and the view from it have changed?

"Well, it’s true that my fundamental personality hasn't changed at all from before I started skating to the present. I have always been inquisitive and curious, often wondering, 'What is a human being?' In that sense, it is the same house. I probably have windows facing all directions, and I probably hang blackout curtains over them. Sometimes I want to feel the morning sun coming through the east-facing window, and other times I don't want to see anything and keep all the curtains closed. I think humans, myself included, are very selfish and interesting, and sometimes we wish to be part of society, and sometimes we just want to shut ourselves away in solitude. When I'm on tour, I might close the curtains. I want to block out the noise around me, concentrate on myself, and deliver a good performance. Afterwards, I'll secretly lift the curtains to see how the audience reacts (laughs)."

In his solo performance tour "RE_PRAY" from 2023 to 2024, Hanyu himself became the protagonist of a role-playing game, blending skating performances and videos to express a world of opposites, such as success and failure, life and death, light and darkness, and game-over and continue. This unprecedented ice show struck a universal chord with audiences from all walks of life, touching their hearts. What’s next for Hanyu, who always exceeds the expectations of his fans?

“I can’t reveal the details... but I’m constantly thinking about new songs and programs. I said earlier that I haven't changed, but since I became a professional, the way I spend my time has obviously changed, and I don't have time to just sit idle anymore. This year I turn 30, and every day I reflect deeply on what I’ve worked hard for nearly 30 years and the meaning of my existence now.”

After the interview, we returned to the studio for the rest of the shoot, where we could hear Matsutoya Yumi's "Yasashisa ni Tsutsumareta Nara" playing in the background. "Open the curtains..." Perhaps now is the time to open windows in various directions and take in new input in anticipation of the next step. I tell myself that everything I see is a message.

Source: BRUTUS November 1, 2024 issue No. 1018, pg 65 Info: https://brutus.jp/magazine/issue/1018/ https://x.com/gucci_jp/status/1846128889573032006 BTS: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/_MEmG5MwL0g / https://www.youtube.com/shorts/lAnWsArkHYw